Top Ten Don'ts For Parents of
Unattached Children

1. Don't take the child's behavior personally. Doing this leads you to lose good interaction and decreases the chance of attachment.
     
2. Don't get into blaming: the social workers, the school, your spouse, yourself. Concentrating on blaming takes away energy needed for advocacy for your child and healing for all of you.
     
3. Don't doubt yourself. The hard work, love, and commitment you have given to the child counts, even if things don't go well all the time.
    
4. Don't always accept the first diagnosis of your child's problem. This is especially true if you have a gut feeling it's wrong. A second opinion is just as important for a child's psychiatric diagnosis as for a physical diagnosis.
    
5. Don't give up hope of finding help/resources. There are many helpful organizations out there, "creative funding" to help pay for some therapy.
     
6. Don't go beyond your limits, take on too much. If you overstress yourself and get physically ill or have a nervous breakdown you won't be able to help anyone, not even yourself.
     
7. Don't believe that one person, one couple can't do anything to make a difference. "The sqeaking wheel gets the grease." If you're persistent and willing to write lots of letters or make many calls (to legislators, the media, etc.) you can shake things up, wake people up.
        
8. Don't forget to make and cultivate friendships with those who do understand.
   
    
9. Don't believe you aren't making a difference in your child's life.
   
    
10. Don't forget to join ADSG and get involved in our message forum and begin setting up your support group.

Originally written by Gail Trenthberth of ADN, modifed in part by ADSG
Copyright © 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002. 2007 Attachment Disorder Support Group. All rights reserved.